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Archive for the ‘Joke’ Category

Why ….

Someone gave me this interesting ‘argument’ and ‘opinion’…just enjoy it, for relax.

 

________________________

WHY MEN ARE SELDOM DEPRESSED:

Men Are Just Happier People —

What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them. New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, He or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes — one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can ‘do’ your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives On December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier.

___________________________________ Men Are Just Happier People NICKNAMES ·

If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. · If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman .

EATING OUT · When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. · When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY · A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. · A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.

BATHROOMS · A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel. · The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS · A woman has the last word in any argument. · Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE · A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. · A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS · A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. · A successful woman is one who can find such a man. MARRIAGE · A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. · A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.

DRESSING UP · A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. · A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL · Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. · Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING · Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. · A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY A married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing! SO, send this to the women who have a sense of humor and who can handle it ….. and to the men who will enjoy reading it.

Iklan

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Rokok…tidak berbahaya?

 

Banyak orang menghawatirkan bahaya rokok,tp stlh diselidiki oleh bbrp pakar dlm bidangnya tryt rokok itu sama sekali tidak berbahaya!  Ada sebuah the untold story yg membuka mata dunia bhw rokok itu tidak berbahaya sama sekali.

Berikut cuplikan-nya
Ada tiga orang pakar. Mereka selalu bersama kemana saja.
Tapi ketiganya memiliki kesukaan beda.
.A. suka main perempuan.
B. suka minum minuman keras
C. suka segala jenis rokok .

Suatu hari mereka pergi ke dukun sakti. Lalu mrk memilih sesuai kegemaran masing-masing.
Si A : ”Aku mau perempuan2 muda dr berbagai bansa+makanan minuman yg cukup. Letakkan dlm gua tertutup dan jangan ganggu aku selama 10 tahun”.dan sekejap mata jadi.
Si B: “Aku mau semua jenis arak dr slrh dunia+bekal makanan yg cukup letakkan dlm gua tertutup dan jangan ganggu aku selama 10 tahun”. Dan sekejap mata jadi.
Si C : ”Aku mau semua jenis rokok dari seluruh dunia+ makanan yg cukup letakkan dlm gua tertutup dan jangan ganggu aku selama 10 tahun”. Dan sekejap mata jadi

10 Tahun Kemudian, dukun sakti membuka pintu gua masing2 sesuai perjanjian.
Ketika pintu Gua I dibuka,keluarlah si A, kurus kering, berdiri pun tidak bisa karena lutut pd goyang hampir lepas, sebab hari-harinya dihabiskan hny memuaskan nafsu dgn perempuan. Beberapa saat kmdn si A pun jatuh ke tanah lalu mati
Pintu Gua II dibuka, maka keluarlah si B, perut buncit dan mata merah krn hari-harinya dihabiskan dg mabuk2an. dia terhuyung dan jatuh ke tanah lalu mati
Pintu III dibuka,keluarlah si C, sehat walafiat bahkan lebih sehat. dari 10 tahun lalu. dia berjalan tegap ke arah dukun itu dan langsung Menabok kepala sang dukun seraya berkata“ Dasar DUKUN GUOBLOOOKK!!! KOREKNYA MANA???!

Catt :ROKOK TIDAK BERBAHAYA BAGI KESEHATAN selama TIDAK ADA KOREKNYA”

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Here are several books could be used to increase your company performance and your individual perform.

1. Academic books

Cover_Case_I_100714Published: Andi Publisher – Jogjakarta

Author: Prof. Dermawan Wibisono

You can get it at August 2014

 

Cover_jerman_230414Published by: Lambert Academic Publishing, Germany

Author: Prof. Dr. Dermawan Wibisono

You can get it through their web site: http://www.lap-publishing.com

Since it is e-book

 

Skripsi, Thesis, Disertasi

Published by: Andi Publisher

Author: Prof. Dr. Dermawan Wibisono

You can get it on June 2013

 

 

Good reference

Published by: Gramedia

Author: Prof. Dr. Dermawan Wibisono

You can get it January 2013

Published by: Penerbit Erlangga, 2011

Author: Prof. Dr. Dermawan Wibisono

You can get it at the end of June  2011

Published: Penerbit Erlangga, 2006

Author: Prof. Dr. Dermawan Wibisono

You can get in Gramedia or directly to publisher on line

Published by Gramedia, 2003

Author: Prof. Dr. Dermawan Wibisono

You can get it through Gramedia on line

2. Character Building  novels

Cover_3G_Gramedia

Published by: Gramedia

Author: Prof. Dr. Dermawan Wibisono

You can get it 18 April 2013

Publisher : Inti Medina, Tiga Serangkai Solo, 2010

Author: Prof. Dr. Dermawan Wibisono

You can get it through publisher  or public book shops: funny, romantic, enthutiastic, spirit

Publisher: Mizan, 2009

Author: Prof. Dr. Dermawan Wibisono

You can get it through Mizan publishing on line or book shop: spirit to be the best, ITB novel background, romantic, funny, struggling

Publisher: MQS Publishing, 2008

Author: Prof. Dr. Dermawan Wibisono

You can get it through MQS on line or book shop: heroic, struggle, child appropriateness, motivation

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Apa arti sebuah nama

Ada yang iseng dan kretif mengirim email ini sekian tahun yang lalu. Rileks buat refreshing:

——————————————

Dibalik nama-nama pria Jawa sesungguhnya terungkap harapan tertentu dari orang tuanya, agar si anak kelak menjadi seperti yang diharapkan.

Contoh:

Agar anak pandai menanam bunga, diberi nama Rosman.
Agar anak pandai memperbaiki mobil, diberi nama Karman.
Agar pandai main golf, Parman.
Agar pandai dalam korespondensi, Suratman.
Agar gagah perkasa, Suparman.
Agar kuat dalam berjalan, Wakiman.
Agar berani bertanya, Asman.
Agar ahli membuat kue, Paiman.
Agar pandai berdagang, Saliman.
Agar pandai melukis, Saniman.
Agar jadi orang kaya, Sugiman,
Agar pandai cari muka nantinya, Yasman.
Agar suka begituan, Pakman.
Agar suka makan toge goreng, Togiman.
Agar selalu ketagihan, Tuman.
Agar suka telanjang, Nudiman.
Agar selalu sibuk terus, Bisiman.
Biar pinter main game, Giman.
Biar bisa sering cuti, Sutiman.
Biar bisa jadi juragan sate, Satiman.
Biar bisa jadi juragan trasi, Tarsiman.
Biar pinter memecahkan problem, Sukarman.
Biar kalau ujian ndak usah mengulang, Herman.
Biar pinter bikin jus, Yusman.
Biar jadi orang berwibawa, Jaiman.
Biar jadi pemain musik, Basman.
Biar awet muda, Boiman.
Biar pinter berperang, Warman.
Biar jadi orang Bali, Nyoman.
Biar jadi orang Sunda, Maman.
Biar lincah seperti monyet, Hanoman.
Biar jadi orang Belanda, Kuman.
Biar tetep tinggal di Yogya, Sleman.
Biar jadi tukang sepatu handal, Soleman.
Biar tetep bisa jalan walau ndak pake mesin, Delman.

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Doa Seorang Slamet

Doa seorang Slamet

Slamet masuk ke toko obat dan membeli sebiji kondom. Dengan riang dia
bilang kepada pemilik toko bahwa sebentar lagi dia akan makan malam di
rumah pacarnya. “Bapak kan tahu sendiri, biasanya setelah itu kan ada
kelanjutannya”, tambah slamet sambil menyeringai. Kondom pun berpindah
tangan.

Baru beberapa langkah ke luar toko, dia kembali masuk. “Saya minta satu
lagi”, katanya. “Adik pacar saya juga cantik. Agak genit pula. Saya rasa
dia juga naksir saya. Siapa tahu malam ini saya mujur…”. Kondom kedua
berpindah
tangan.

Slamet kembali masuk dan minta tambahan satu kondom lagi. “Begini, ibunya
juga tak kalah seksi. Penampilannya jauh lebih muda dari usianya. Dan
kalau duduk di depan saya, dia selalu menyilangkan kaki. Saya yakin dia
juga tak keberatan kalau saya dekati…”.

Dengan berbekal tiga kondom, Slamet datang ke rumah pacarnya sambil tak
putus bersiul. Sajian sudah siap. Pacar Slamet, adik dan ibunya sudah
menunggu. Slamet pun langsung bergabung. Mereka menunggu sang ayah.

Begitu sang ayah masuk ke ruang makan, Slamet langsung memimpin doa sambil
menunduk dalam-dalam. Yang lain-lain ikut menundukkan kepala.

Satu menit berlalu. Slamet makin khusuk berdoa. Dua menit. Slamet terus
komat-kamit — cukup panjang untuk sebuah doa sebelum makan.

Pada menit keempat, pacarnya menyenggol kakinya dan berbisik, “Saya baru
tahu kamu ternyata sangat religius”.

Sambil terus menunduk, Slamet menjawab dengan suara hampir menangis:
“Saya juga baru tahu ayah kamu yang punya toko obat….”

 

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Indian Student

Indian Student

It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, ‘Let’s begin by reviewing some American History. Who said ‘Give me Liberty , or give me Death’?
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up:
‘Patrick Henry, 1775’ he said.
‘Very good!’
Who said ‘Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the earth?’
Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar.
‘Abraham Lincoln, 1863’ said Chandrasekhar.
The teacher snapped at the class, ‘Class, you should be ashamed. Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do.’
She heard a loud whisper: ‘Fuck the Indians,’
‘Who said that?’ she demanded. Chandrasekhar put his hand up. ‘General Custer, 1862.’
At that point, a student in the back said, ‘I’m gonna puke.’
The teacher glares around and asks ‘All right! Now, who said that?’
Again, Chandrasekhar says, ‘George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.’
Now furious, another student yells, ‘Oh yeah? Suck this!’
Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher , ‘Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!’
Now with almost mob hysteria someone said ‘You little shit. If you say anything else, I’ll kill you.’
Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, ‘ Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him- 2004.’
The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, ‘Oh shit, we’re fucked!’
And Chandrasekhar said quietly,
I think it was George Bush, Iraq , 2007.’

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Evolusi 1

Evolusi 1

Ada yang mengirim kedua setting foto yang demikian canggih perekayasaannya, saya share just fwding no tendency and pretensi. Kok bisa ya?

Evolusi 2

Evolusi 2

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